whoa. Holiday has been great so far. except the fact i need to do my fyp in between the weeks. fyp sucks seriously. i would rather take extra 2 more modules than doing fyp, sucha waste of time man. Other than that I'm having some fun, spending quality time with my friends and catching up with the old ones of course. i just realised that i hasn't been staying at home most of the time. shall hibernate myself after this week lol! I think i need to spend some time with myself and family.
okay so speaking of meeting old friends. last week we managed to give our dearest 5A'08 Miss ng a SURPRISE! it was great ^^ i'm glad that most people are still the same. haha don't know whether it's a good or bad thing. lol!
and we didn't talk at all. yes and zero eye contact too. but i think i'm alright. kinda :)
okay yes moving on it was to celebrate my best friend fleonna's bday at zoo. fun but tiring seriously. but it's okay, as long as she enjoys it <3
oh yes and i met up with my long lost best friend weiting too. whoa like finally man. yay and went to her house after so long and get to see her mama too. i'm thankful to her mama still so nice! miss her so much!!! i'm glad that even though lots of things have changed, certain things are still the same like her mum and her cooking. yums! hopefully get to see both of them soon <3
okay basically that sums up my whole week lazy to elaborate more. lol!
i'm tired. everyday i'm hoping that when i wake up and i've already moved on like how you do. But it's hard cause memories keep haunting me. people says in order to forget someone you have to throw away, keep away everything that relates to that person. seems like it works for you by keeping everything away. but why are you so heartless? yes new ones but that doesn't mean you have to get rid of the old ones right?. nevermind i shall prove it wrong then. i meant in order to move on doesn't mean you have to get rid of them. Nevermind at least through all these things, i guess I've learned to cherish more, cherish those who truly cares. because i really don't wna the history to repeat itself. yes life is about looking ahead not looking back cause there's no way back.
Life is a one way ticket ride.
okay cheryl you can do this! move on~ like how they do.
xo cheryl
I hate making decisions. that's why i'm always the one following the crowd.
I don't like to it cause of my indecisive personality and i will get super pekchek if i can't make up my mind. seriously and another thing is when you're making decisions, you need to bear all the responsibilities. alright maybe i'm somehow a perfectionist too, always wants things to be perfect. so whenever i'm making decisions i will be thinking what if things didn't turn out to be that fantastic? okay lots of queries running in my thoughts. aiya don't know i just don't like to make decisions. i just think that it's a hassle chores. But i know i've to learn to make it though if not people around me will get irritated too and it's also part of a growing process.
haha somehow la.
Title of today: Letting Go.
yes letting go. letting go of everything i mentioned in the first part of previous post.
i've been staying at home for the past few days with the same old routine. practically doing nothing much. watching drama and reading other people's blog do inspired me one another way. It make me realised lots of things. how should i put it... hmm all i can say is what i've going through was not as bad as other people out there. honestly no one likes their life. maybe majority don't like it. but we all do not have a choice. we just can't let all emotions run all over us, we have to pick ourselves up after some time. yes i believe time will heal.
I will keep believing, believing this world, believing everything, for what it's worth my believes.
alright to let it go, like finally. actually this wasn't the first time of the 'letting go' coming across my mind. it came before. but i didn't want to let go, because to me, letting it go means giving up. giving up all the hopes and believes that i've in them. in another words it means i've to face the reality. The fact that they are not gonna to be there in my life anymore and to realise that things wasn't the same anymore. all along i can pretend but i can't forget. but i guess now i'm ready to face it.
I've never really talked about this to anyone. cause i realised i can't talk to anyone about these. I appeared to be not affected by it. no one really knew how i was feeling deep down. okay well. sad to know that our friendship didn't turn out stronger than what we thought/hope it would be. maybe all along we are deceiving ourselves. perhaps we have different perspective. i never ever thought that the busy schedules of us was the reason that drift us apart. maybe it's just a way to comfort myself or i only used that as a reason whenever people ask/tell me 'hardly see you hanging out with .... these days." but i knew it clearly that wasn't the reason why we aren't. i can understand, and i know you do care for me but it's just a different way. it's important to understand each other, so that we would know how to walk down the road together accomodating each other's needs. but i don't even know whether you are in this with me anymore or does it even matters you. hence i feel very lost in this friendsip. i don't know if i should continue to hold on to it anymore. but no matter what i still treasured you a lot, wishing the best for you (:
Don't know ever since when, you always appeared in my dreams. people always say the more you think of something/someone in the day, more likely you will dream of that. haha, i always beg to differ. but it's quite true in some sense. i really do missed you. At times i always blame myself and i do felt guilty for not replying you seriously. Regret. yes i do. regret for not telling you how i was feeling, regret for being a timid mouse and run away. maybe i wasn't ready yet and when i was, you were already gone. all i could say it was fated. time/ fate playing a joke with us. but if we are fated to be together, eventually we will. yes i only realised it now. to be honest i really don't know what's the reason why i couldn't let this feeling go. maybe someday i will find out but not now. someday, we will meet someone right (:
woke up from my nap just now feeling inspired, that's why i decided to let go. i penned it down to remind myself. of course it wasn't easy to let go everything and someone who's important, within secs, mins, hrs or days. if not i wouldn't have hold it for sooooo long right. i just need to know that life goes on no matter what have changed. i just need to know that as long as people that i cared are happy and i'm happy, be it i'm in their life or not, that's enough. I just need to know that i won't take things for granted anymore.
Frankly speaking i just wish to be happy and people to be happy if they feel happier off without me, i'm fine and i don't think people really care whether i'm happy or unhappy. So.....
The only thing that i can do for myself is to brace myself up and walk down the road happily and positivitely. (:
Guess what? i'm back here again. never did i expect myself coming back to blog. yes blog!
perhaps i just need some space and this little space happened to be somewhere where i can think of. Everything is just making me so suffocating. honestly EVERYTHING. i would say that my life is in a complete mess, alhough it doesn't seems to be. yes not at all. define everything. i don't know but i'm just... NOT HAPPY. I'M NOT HAPPY! not at all. nothing seems to make me happy. honestly. i really hates how things have become like this year. seriously. i really hates the feeling of people walking out my life when they meant so much to me. the feeling of losing someone important really sucks. last year i lost one and this year another one. i really dont know what happened? i really don't know whether the problem is with me or just people choose to leave. you know.but why did they have to? maybe i'm just not good enough or maybe i don't mean as much as how they mean to me. maybe? lots of question marks have been running round my head. what can i do? seriously? i really don't know? i felt that there's no point pulling people walking back to my life when they have already chose to leave and move on. seriously. yes move on. what can do when people have already move on? yes and i'm not. sucks. maybe i used to take things for granted? and this is my punishment.
BUT. sigh. i just want them back so badly but i know things have changed no matter what i do we can't be like the past. THEY WON'T BE BACK ANYMORE. so conclucion stop trying so hard? till now there's no answer yet. guess i shall just be some nobody. no difference. another thing would be my future. i really really really don't know what to do seriously. trying hard to figure what am i supposed to do? DREAMS? what's my dreams? i don't like what i'm studying now, seriously. hate it totally. every time when im studying for exams, the thoughts of giving up & why am i doing this as in something that i don't like, never fails to come to my mind seriously. tears just keep flowing, all i can do is to tell myself to pull it through since i've already made it so far. but after i graduate. do i have to remind myself this throughout the rest of my life? noooooo. arghhhh why am i so fail. whatever it is. i just hope that things will eventually gets better. really please make it happen.
Hoping for a miracle is just like hoping for singapore to snow.
i just wanna runaway. someone please take me away~
